Jake-Morrison.com

Back in the day, when I was but a wee little Jake- well, to be honest, I wasn’t quite wee then, I was the same height as I am now. But I was tiny in other ways. Hells bells, not like that. Get your mind out of the gutter. What I mean by that poorly planned sentence is that way back then, I had a lot to learn about life, and love, and science fiction. Back then; the world seemed fresh, new, and exciting. There was just one problem. There was just one teeny, tiny, almost insignificant problem. I was a teenager. As such, my body was full of raging hormones that I had no ability to control or understand. As such, I had a lot of anger and angst built up. I was moody, whiny, and your typical teenager.

Okay, so I wasn’t your typical teenager. I didn’t act out. I didn’t rage, or slam doors (often), or yell curses as I stormed throughout the house. I wrote rants. I thought they were pretty good. The very first one I emailed to my friends. I called it a marathon email, because I typed that bout of insanity up at roughly 2 or 3 in the morning, and then sent it to all my friends via email. It was one long rambling stream of conscious amalgamation of strange. All in all, it was a pretty novel experience for me. I felt a great sense of catharsis; I certainly felt better after writing it. As a sample of the inanity of it, here is a portion of it:

“Hmmm… All emails need a purpose. This one is serving as a temporary patch for the flat tire that is my life. Yes, these free association emails are at best a quick fix, seeing as there really is no human response. In my sugar and Monty Python soaked mind, there is no way that I can really let this be a true outlet. It just is not as comforting as having a person there, sharing in your pain, talking it out with you, and discussing philosophical viewpoints on the matter and sex of the universe, or any other dreary philosophical question. Like, “Would a swallow really be unable to carry a coconut, and if he could, what color would his imagination be?”

A few of you, hell, all of you are probably wondering what the hell a marathon email is. Well my friend, compadre, amigo, amiga, buddy, etc, a marathon email is one in which it continues until my eyes cannot stay open, the point at which the ‘H’ key declares war on the ‘P’ key, for no reason other than the fact the ‘P’ key likes to eat frosted prunes. Or the point where my bleary, sleep deprived eyes perceive the various marks and characters on the screen performing various synchronized ballet movements, to the twisted strains of “Atomic Dog,” by George Clinton and the Parliament Funkadelick pouring out of the headphones. And let me tell you, those ‘M’s can do one hell of a pirouette. And eventually, as the sleep deprivation strains onward, the number keys join the arrow keys in a far-reaching conspiracy, involving the dreaded DELETE and PAGE DOWN keys, to stage a coup and undermine the popularity of the alphabet keys. That is when I will stop.”

See what I mean? Pretty out there. I mean, a keyboard civil war? Frosted prunes? Who the hell writes about that? The short answer is that I do. This marathon email sparked a need, a need to express myself.

And so it went on, for one thousand, five hundred, and eleven randomly connected words. I was pretty good at ranting back then; all told, over a period of a year or so, I wrote thirty-one. I’m not ashamed to admit that at one point, writing them became part and parcel of me trying to impress my first girlfriend. No, I don’t know how being alternately random and depressing was supposed to impress her. Go back and reread that part about hormones. It kind of did work; she ended up submitting rants for my site. As did all my friends. It helped me get through a bunch of difficult stuff I was feeling. Not to mention it was a lot of fun. I found out my friends were pretty insane as well. It kind of helped me work on ideas for the comic I was doing back then as well.

There isn’t much to this week’s entry, sadly. It’s more of a realization that I want to do more with my blog than just kvetch and moan about how much life sucks. I want to be crazy, wild, insane, and amusing. I’ve done a good job at editing myself out of what I type lately. I plan to stop that. Perhaps this will help me kindle my muse; find something in me that revels in creativity. Because I fucking want that part of me back.

Tonight, I sat at the computer and wondered what to write about. A very wise person suggested waffles and penguins, but I couldn’t parse that into an intelligible rant. So I started thinking and brainstorming. Which is always a dangerous process for me to start. Chances are, I’ll think up something quite amazing and disturbing. Oh, dear reader, how I did. The most fun I had back then was in writing rants, and reading and posting the rants my friends created. I’d like to recapture some of that glory from the heady days of my youth. I’d like to open up the possibility of guest rants.

Oh yes, dear reader. I want you. I’m not sure how this process is going to work yet. But I’m going to start ranting more, that’s for sure. Except for the “A Man Down” blogs, my blogs have gotten a bit… more depressing lately. So it is back to the perfect storm of free association and craziness. If you feel the urge to rant, to rave, to also write something, feel free! Write it up, and email it to me. I’m thinking of making Thursdays “Guest Blogger Day.” I feel that this would introduce a very interesting and fun dynamic to my site. Dear reader, all it takes is your willing participation.

Once more, dear reader, I implore that you leave your comments on this blog. Comment, critique, rant, rave, and deify me, if need be. Remember to friend me on Facebook, and follow me on Twitter @Chiron7936. Comments are what drive me, what keep me going. And there have been precious few of them lately. Don’t be shy! By amusing! You totally could post anonymously as well! How cool would that be? You could be the Masked Commenting Avenger! Commenting mysteriously at the drop of a hat! You’d get your own costume, theme song, and line of collectible action figurines.

This entry was posted on Monday, March 16th, 2009 at 10:41 pm and is filed under Normal. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.